Elisabeth's Poem

For Elisabeth Grace 1/14/98

 

We didn't know you would be

so beautiful and so tiny,

eyes yet unopened,

red rosy lips, a small button nose,

delicate fingers and tiny toes.

 

We didn't know how much

we would miss,

ever hearing the sound of your cry.

Silence is not golden, it is horrible.

 

We didn't know the hours we held you close,

would seem so pitifully short.

We didn't know the numbness we felt

the day we lost you, would wear off,

without any mercy on our aching hearts.

 

We didn't know the true meaning

of the words,

sadness and sorrow.

Now we know...

and now it hurts.

 

 

 

My Baby's Bed

 

by Brandy for Chole 6/26/99

 

 

On the phone my mom says

When I get back next week

We will pick out the baby's bed

I am so excited

So many choices

I can't wait

I think I want light wood

I think my mom wants white

The sheets I have decided

Will be with Precious Moments

It is pretty in my mind

Finally next week is here

My mom and I stand

In the funeral home

Picking out my baby's bed

I only have 2 choices

Instead of being excited

I am crying so hard

Moments later I decide

On the white bed

With a gold marble look

My baby's bed is

Barely over 2 feet long

Not even a foot and half wide

My baby's bed closes like a box

Never for a second

Did I imagine

My baby's bed

Would be a casket

 

 

 

Just Those Few Weeks

 

A poem on miscarriage by Susan Erling

 

 

For those few weeks

I had you to myself.

And that seems too short a time

to be changed so profoundly.

 

In those few weeks

I came to know you...

 and to love you,

You came to trust me with your life.

Oh, what a life I had planned for you!

 

Just those few weeks

When I lost you,

I lost a lifetime of hopes,

plans, dreams and aspirations...

A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.

 

Just those few weeks

It wasn't enough time to convince others

how special and important you were.

How odd, a truly unique person has recently died

and no one is mourning the passing.

 

Just a mere few weeks

And no "normal" person would cry all night

over a tiny, unfinished baby,

or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.

No one would, so why am I?

 

You were just those few weeks my little one

you darted in and out of my life too quickly.

But it seems that's all the time you needed

to make my life so much richer

and give me a small glimpse of eternity.

 

 

 

Simple Treasures

 

Author Unknown

 

 

You were a part of us

and we knew life was there.

We would wonder--a boy or girl?

Would you have hair?

I reflect back on the memories

of what I felt inside.

Were you growing?

Was that a flutter?

Were your eyes open wide?

Now you're here,

but not as we planned.

Our dreams have been shattered

as we touch your little hand.

Your tiny feet, your sleeping face,

we know you're in a special place.

Your peaceful look, your little nose.

God cradles you in sweet repose.

But we have these gifts

to hold close to heart.

And we will always have the memories

of which you are a part.

You were a part of us

and we knew a life was there.

We thank you for these simple treasures

you have placed within our care.

 

 

 

Can I Pretend

 

For Tanner Jason by his Mama

 

 

If I were to pretend

that you never did exist,

that I never felt you kick,

that I never heard your heartbeat,

that I never saw your image on an ultrasound screen...

Would this empty aching feeling depart from my soul?

Or am I destined to spend

the remainder of days

searching for little boys

that are the age you should be right now,

first months, then years or twenty three.

It truly doesn't matter, for you are not here with me.

I know I can't pretend

to break a bond as strong as this.

My son, my son~

although you only dwelled within

and I had to say good-bye before I ever said hello...

If this be your destiny

that from this earth you were truly meant to go...

I will savor the moments

when I did feel you kick,

when I did hear your heartbeat,

when I saw your image moving on an ultrasound screen...

and know this empty aching feeling

will become a part of me.

Just as your gentle spirit, lives on inside my soul.

I must learn to live with

peacefully,

this is our destiny.

No,

I never could pretend that you never did exist...

for you have shaped my very being,

and I will always be your Mama...

for the bond will not be broken,

not by pain, not tears shed, nor sorrow.

Our time will come...tomorrow.

 

 

 

I Lost My Child Today

 

by Netta Wilson, 1996

 

 

I lost my child today.

People came to weep and cry,
As I just sat and stared, dry eyed.

They struggled to find words to say,

To try and make the pain go away,

I walked the floor in disbelief,

I lost my child today.

 

I lost my child last month.

Most of the people went away,

Some still call and some still stay.

I wait to wake up from this dream.

This can't be real.  I want to scream.

Yet everything is locked inside,

God, help me, I want to die.

I lost my child last month.

 

I lost my child last year.

Now people who had come, have gone.

I sit and struggle all day long.

To bear the pain so deep inside.

And now my friends just question, Why?

Why does this mother not move on?

Just sits and sings the same old song.

Good heavens, it has been so long.

I lost my child last year.

 

Time has not moved on for me.

The numbness it has disappeared.

My eyes have now cried many tears.

I see the look upon your face,

"She must move on and leave this place."

Yet I am trapped right here in time,

The songs the same, as is the rhyme,

I lost my child......Today.

 

 

Please

by Amy Cady 3/99 for Hope 1/10/99

 

 

Please do not ask if I am better now -

Know that I am not.

Please do not simply ask, "How are you?"

I am grieving.  My child is dead.

Please do not ask my husband, "How is your wife?"

Comfort HIM.

Please do not say, "Has it already been three months?"

It feels like three years to me.

Please do not make less of my baby's life by saying, "You'll have more."

She was the one I wanted.

Please do not tell me, "Time will heal."

Time is a four-letter word.

Please do not say, "God knows best."

I am angry with God.

Please do not say, "She is in Heaven."

I want her here.

Please do not tell me how great your life is -

I am living a nightmare.

Please do not tell me about someone else's healthy new baby -

It's like a knife through my flat, empty belly.

Please do not say, "You look as if you were never pregnant!"

I WANT to look pregnant.  I want to BE pregnant.

Please do not keep silent and not mention her name -

She was real - do you not think so?

Please do not ask, "What do you need?"

I need my baby.

Please do not say, "If there is anything I can do..."

Please just do it.  I can't ask.

Please do not ask if I am better now -

You know that I am not.